Fellapdate. Get it? Fella update? Fellapdate! It's genius.
The lovely and talented Keanie Beanie commented on my last post and hoped that Fella was filling the hole left my Mr. Nonexistent.
First I want to say that it's only noticed on occasion. Much of my feelings about that relationship are related to my anger at myself and how I wish I had handled things differently. But Lord knows I've blogged about that before. The missing of the nonexistent man is more of a wistful occasional passing thought, but one that can be particularly striking when it's connected to someone that elicits such a repellant reaction from me.
Fella is an entirely different creature. I can't quite figure him out. He's not like anyone I have ever dated. He doesn't try to keep me guessing or "keep me on my toes." He doesn't make himself distant or out of reach or unavailable. I don't feel like I have to convince him, as I've said before. If anything, he's convincing me and that's a nice change. It's nice to be the one that gets wooed. The woo-ee. :)
So Fella is not the guy I thought my ex was, nor do I want him to be. However, he seems to actually be what I think he is... and that's a good start. He shows himself to me. And as Maya Angelou said and Oprah repeated, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them" (I will refrain from correcting Ms. Angelou's grammar, because she's earned some poetic license in my opinion). The ex gave me glimpses of who he really was, and I didn't believe him. I believed in Mr. Nonexistent. Fella shows me who is over and over, and it's consistent with what I believe him to be.
He is going with me on vacation with my family this month. Willingly. Even eagerly. He likes hanging out with them. He fits right in to the crowd. He plays the Wii and splashes in the pool with my niece.
Of course, he's not perfect. He eats too much too fast. He whistles sometimes and that can be annoying. He wants to talk to people, for heaven's sake. But these are things I can handle. These are things with which I can live.
And because of my experience with my ex, I am ever more appreciative of that.